I only received HALF of my security deposit back?? And I would like to know exactly why YOU CHARGED ME $30 FOR A TEAR IN THE CARPET?? Because there was no fucking “tear in the carpet.” You wanna know why there was not a tear in the carpet?? I WILL TELL YOU WHY:
1. I had a nice big rug that covered my carpet the entire time I lived there, so HOW COULD THERE BE A TEAR IN THE CARPET?? Unless it was there before (BUT IT WASN’T) so why are you charging me for something I didn’t do??
2. I vacuumed the carpet after I removed my nice big rug AND I SURE DON’T REMEMBER TEARING UP THE CARPET WHILE DOING SO. I mean, I don’t know what you use to vacuum your carpet, but I only use a vacuum—NOT a rake, okay?? Because A RAKE WOULD TEAR THE FUCKING CARPET. And that’s just not how I vacuum, okay??
3. There was no tear in the carpet. NO PICTURES, NO PROOF!!
You also charged me $55 for carpet cleaning, even though I vacuumed…BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO VACUUM OR I WOULDN’T GET MY DEPOSIT BACK. AND I WANTED MY FULL DEPOSIT BACK…SO YES, I VACUUMED. Also, I’m pretty sure you didn’t vacuum AGAIN.
YOU ALSO CHARGED ME $10 FOR “TOUCH UP PAINTING”?? Hmmm. That’s funny because I remember calling to ask if I had to repaint my room after I puttied all the holes in my wall…yeah I puttied…BECAUSE I WANTED MY FULL DEPOSIT BACK…AND DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU TOLD ME?? THIS IS WHAT YOU TOLD ME:
"No. You don’t need to paint. You need to putty, but YOU. DO. NOT. NEED. TO. PAINT."
NOW, If you were telling me I didn’t need to paint, but planning on charging me to repaint anyway, EVEN THOUGH I WOULD HAVE HAPPILY PAINTED (because I had like 2 extra days to fucking paint AND I actually like painting), I would just like you to know that YOU SUCK.
Closet door maintenance, $10?? Really?? Really Stewardship, REALLY??
IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY, WHICH I DO, THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY CLOSET DOOR. IT HAD A HANDLE WHEN I GOT THERE AND A HANDLE WHEN I LEFT. SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU CHARGING ME $10??
Then you charged me $10 for May rent?? Why?? Yes, I know I was late on May rent, BUT I looked online and it said that you only charge a late fee if it’s more than four days late, AND I CAME THE VERY NEXT DAY. So I’m really struggling to understand your logic behind that one…
You also charged me $163 for June rent, WHICH IS ALSO HILARIOUS BECAUSE I PAID JUNE RENT. ON TIME. I went into your office BEFORE JUNE and said, “How much do I owe you for June??” And you said, “$163” AND THEN I PULLED OUT MY CHECKBOOK (YEAH I HAVE A FUCKING CHECKBOOK) AND WROTE YOU A CHECK FOR $163.
AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST, YOU CHARGED ME $44 FOR GENERAL CLEANING.
Okay, FINE. Charge me $44 to clean my filthy apartment, with the broken door, and the torn carpet—even though it was spotless when I left!!
Seriously Stewardship, EVERYTHING ELSE HAS TO GO. I WILL GET ALL THAT MONEY BACK IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO. I’M FUCKING POOR. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?? POOR— P.O.O.R.
BECAUSE gas in California is NOT CHEAP. NOT. CHEAP—C.H.E.A.P. AND that’s where I live now.
SO YEAH I WILL NEED MY FULL DEPOSIT BACK.
I called to yell at you about all of this, but apparently you are now closed on Mondays—GO FIGURE.
I was really annoyed to find out that I am 5’9” and not 5’8” tonight.
One inch. changes. everything.
I mean, I have been telling people for basically my whole life—I’m 5’8”. Which now makes me a liar (but I mean, come on) because every time I told people I’m 5’8” they would never believe me. BUT I was so sure I was 5’8”. I fucking measured. Multiple times.
So when people would be all, “No, no, no. You’re not 5’8”. You’re like 5’10.”
I would be like, “Well, YOU would know. I mean, since YOU are ME.”
Yeah, that’s right. I would make everyone feel stupid for telling me I was a giant—when they were right!! I really am a giant. I guess I should have kept measuring. I just hate being wrong about things I should clearly be right about, ya know?? And it would always come to me swearing on my life that I really am “only” 5’8” believe it or not!!
I guess I’m not.
and I KNOW THAT’S “CRAZY” BECAUSE “GUYS LOVE LONG LEGS”
and every girl on the face of the planet “WANTS LONG LEGS”
or (my favorite) “BUT MODELS HAVE LONG LEGS…YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?”
Yes, yes I know models “have long legs.” I have always known this. HELLO, I was born a girl, raised a girl, and yes, on occasion I would open a magazine and notice models do indeed have long legs. But what does their stems have to do with my stems?? I’m no model. I never wanted to be a model, so stop telling me about the models.
BECAUSE I HATE LONG LEGS. YES—HATE. ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL.
Because they are a burden on my life. TWO. BIG (LONG). BURDENS.
Here is my obvious reasoning behind it all:
1. They suck.
2. Finding jeans that fit me has always sucked, like my legs.
3. They are always in the way. They are the root of why I’m so clumsy. ITS BECAUSE OF THEM. IT. IS. ALWAYS. THEM. So now, I consistently have pretty bruises to look at on my “gr8 long legz,” only to remind me just how much they SUCK.
4. They will always suck.
5. Being able to reach something on the top shelf is NOT THAT COOL.
In all honesty, I want to measure again. I just really don’t want to start saying I’m 5’9”. I mean, every time I have to say it will inevitably SUCK. And will sound so weird.
Do you know long I have been saying I’m 5’8”?? Just reread the 3rd sentence of this post and you will know how long.
All I’m saying is it’s just going to be weird, okay??
And this is exactly why my life is AMAZING and stupidly IRONIC. Because complaining about being tall (and having that be a genuine annoyance in my life) is way better than complaining about not having legs at all, right??