“Look, I love Seinfeld as much as the next self-deprecating girl everyone thinks is Jewish who isn’t, but I don’t go around making life decisions based on the self-absorbed characters of my favorite TV show.”—
“And as an adult,
I REALLY AM NOT INTO BEING SPARKLY.
I WASN’T EVEN INTO BEING SPARKLY,
WHEN BEING SPARKLY WAS ACCEPTABLE.
LIKE, I WAS NOT THE SPARKLY KID.
LIKE, FULL DISCLOSURE,
I WORE LOONEY TOONS BASEBALL JERSEYS.”—Marissa A. Ross